To Download the Player or Not To Download The Player

My So Called Life

So here's the scoop. I visited ABC.com and saw that they had old episodes of "My So Called Life" available for download! Cool! I really liked that show! But alas, it required a proprietary media player to view the show. So that inspired a rant; but this came out in my dad's voice after a few lines. So here goes.

To Download the Player or Not To Download The Player

I really don't understand why I should be required to download a proprietary player, just to watch "My So-Called Life." I get the whole promotion of HD thing. But you know, some of us would actually prefer some half-way viewable narrative content on television instead of a fakakta gimmick. I speak for myself, okay? You can call me a luddite, okay, I don’t care. Listen; I don’t need for this television show to be screened via the whole "nicey-nice" HD picture, okay? As a matter of fact, what’s with this whole requirement, this governmental edict that you (network) guys are required to shift to HD anyhow? HD, shmaytch dee. I never advocated for this. I think HD looks great, it’s nice, it’s very crisp, and the colors . . verry nice. . . But I don’t want it and I’m not paying for a converter. No. I don’t want it, and I don’t need it.

Tell me why I need it. This whole HD is a tax that I didn’t ask for. Taxation mitt out a representative. You can take me out of the concentration camps, but you can’t take the concentration camps out of me. You want to create a different reality? Create it for yourselves. You want to watch crisp and nice pictures of car crashes, and deh zonot mit de tuches in d’rossen? Go. Lech l’azazel. Go buy it, go enjoy it in your own house. Go choke on it. I’m not going to stop you. I don’t want to take your house away. I don’t want anything from you. You want me to pay for the TV show? Shove it, all this styoopidity. That’s all. What the hell happened mitt de soap commercials? Heh? Ah kapoor zolztreffen. It’s not enough? No, now a Flash player isn’t enough, a Quicktime isn’t enough. Now I need a special ABC player to play ABC content. Go to hell. The ground can eat you up alive and spit you out.

I know what you want. You want. . . for me to have a disease running around my computer that learns how I shop and how I spend, and knows my credit card number, and my blood type probably too. And vut else, heh? The color of my gatkes? But you know what’s really mean? And believe me, it’s mean. This disgusting thing you do, with all your technology. You’ll come into my house and rape my computer of all my personal information, and then you’ll turn around mit a peersomet that this show is brought to you by, de cholera veist, a Ford, a Matsubushi. You’ll try to pretend that that the TV show is a gift. It’s free. Biiiiiig Deal! Macht nicht a toyves. You know what? I don’t want to say it, because I don’t know whose reading this. That’s it. Okay.

You tell me that the congress voted to “free up” airwaves. Free up? Ah balt gaiben a free-up. This is a hold-up! Let me tell you something; this taking of my hard-earned cash is tantamount to a constriction. You’re choking my forty-one-year-old trachea. Sal detaldal sozegain. This shtick Bushey; you’re telling me that he pays for his HD? I’m paying for it. Dis ugly, styoopid, nothing. What is he? A nothing. The United Snakes of America. Do you think we're just a bunch of nothings? A mindless horde of Sesame Street-GenXers and sugar-fat idiots who'll just let your nefarious ABC applets infect our precious six-year-old Macintosh computers? Not on bread alone does a man live.

A free country . . . A lie! Sickening! A computer that, that, that . . ah ganseh menuvalim, shtick fet kets . . that I can't afford to upgrade, because of the economy; and Bernanke can go to hell too, together with this shtick fayet, Greenspan who should hide his shameful face. And the cholera congress. What kind of hole did they put us in? Let them all go to hell, a gang of meeseh ganavim. A bunch of liars. Who’s the congress, anyway? A bunch of drunks. Mitt de dopes, and AIDS. Who do you think they are, sach ha kol? A bunch of hoodlums.

But Moynihan, he was all right.