Kennedy Centre Honors 2008

The Who are being honored this year at the Kennedy Center, and I for one am pleased. They're in good company, along with Twyla Tharp, Barbra Streisand, George Jones and Morgan Freeman.

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Haldron, Palin and the End of the World as We Know It

The Haldron particle accelerator, a massive, underground taurus, 17 miles in circumference, situated near the border between Sweden and France, will hold its premiere moment this coming Wednesday, September 10, 2008.  An auspicious date, no doubt.

Those proponents of hard science, and by this I refer to folks who are dedicated to the processes which have yielded momentous achievements in human history: travel to the moon, separation of hydrogen from oxygen, and exacting calculation of the girth of our planet, amongst thousands other discoveries - all or most of these so called "scientists," are very excited about the implications of this event. In essence, the aim of those running the big accelerator is to imitate some of the forces and conditions that existed when the universe first formed. The prospects for virtually every field of science are simply enormous.  Fortunately, there are plenty of us rational, family-minded, good folk around the globe who believe that this event may precipitate nothing other than the demise of the planet.  Allow me to posit that the feared demise began just shortly before this coming Wednesday - a couple weeks back, and perhaps in none other than St. Louis.

Sarah Palin, the person chosen by John McCain to be his running mate for the Republican ticket in the U.S. presidential election of 2008, is likely among those who are scared of the Haldron Accelerator. Given that the accelerator's purpose and theoretical grounding holds close partnership with such fatuous and absurd ideas as evolution and the big bang, it and its crafters must be bosom buddies with Beelzebub himself.  Cue the audio clip of a cackling Dr. Evil.  Afterall, Ms. Palin is also of the belief that the connection betwixt global climate change and the aggregate carbon footprint manifested by humans over their skimpy 5,700+ years on earth is of dubious legitimacy. She's so smart. She's just so pretty and sharp and wow, what a genius. It makes me proud to be counted among the species that shares genetic material with Sarah Palin, her son-in-law to be Levi Johnson, in addition to other laudable characters such as Ronald Reagan, Joseph Goebbels, Catherine the Great, and Atilla The Hun.  God has such a remarkable sense of humor.  First a plague of frogs upon Pharaoh and now this.

Yes, it just may be true.  It is actually possible in some remote theoretical constructs, that the Haldron Accelerator might cause the whole enterprise of human activity to be swallowed up by a black hole.  The world could indeed be coming to an end.  But don't you see? It's all happening at once - a veritable cascade of biblical prophecies! The popularity of Sarah Palin, a phenomenon only predicted by Carl Rove himself, was of such remote likelihood a short march of days ago, though at the same time is no less than meteoric.  Let us take heed though, because while meteors are probably harbingers of God's wrath and not remnants of a physical universe that is fourteen plus billion years of age, let us use such expressions as "meteoric" only as kind metaphors.  Let's call that governor of juicy lips a shooting star!  Science and God are coalescing in a super moment before our eyes!  An elephant of truth and great consciousness is taking charge!  The stem cells are crying out, and now finally, they have a cadre of "Hortons" that will dutifully carry out their bidding. The world's not coming to an end, but rather it's the dawn of a new age. As Steve Martin once said of the aforementioned president who succeeded Jimmy Carter, ". . . I believe that (Ronald Reagan) can make this country what it once was; an arctic region covered with ice."  Let me then extend that pronouncement to the demented and clearly senile, white-haired Navy brat who chose a bimbo of gargantuan proportions as his running mate.

This autumn is going to be so fun.  I'm jumping out of my skin.